and it continues.

[ladydouji]

I did finally get an email from my mother a few days ago



""Well I hope you are happy with how things are now between us. I want you to
remember this outing was by my invitation to you and debbie and Carolyn
and that I paid for the tickets. I do think that when I pay for things I
should have the right to invite whom I please remember this was not your
birthday present This was in addition to my paying for the airline ticket
for you at Christmas time which was your birthday present. The show was
something I thought we all could enjoy., remember I have seen the show and I
think I can judge what Carolyn would or would not be afraid of. the scenes
in that show are no scarier that the witches in Sleepy Beauty or other
disney shows, and the show is no longer that Peter Pan which she was great
for and greatly enjoyed. If you can count on one hand the number of times
we have done things together- I want you to count the number of times I have
to email or call you to just to check that things are alright- since you
rarely call or check in with your dad and me, and the times you have told me
you were coming out- but over slept or something else came up. I have
invited you to things- but you have"other plans". I would like you to bond
with you nieces- yes they are also part of your family. I think it is a sad
situation when your niece has to somethimes ask you your name because she
doesn't see you enought If I remember the situation with the car- I think I
paid half for the repairs and if I went out with Gumpert- it was because we
did not have definite plans- these things happened over two years ago- We
haven't gone out or done anything together between that time- I haven't
done anything with you between those times. I haven't gone shopping with
just you anytime since then I didn't go shopping with you and buy you a ring
just because you liked it- no special occasion! It seems like you only want
to focus on the things I didn't do- none of the things I did do. If it is
only a handful of times- it is because that is all the times you have
bothered to come over. I bought a swimming suit for you to have here- how
many times over the summer when I was off- did you bother to come over. You
could not even made it over when your Grandfather was here one visit-
because you had other plans. so don't lay all this guilt trip on me- you
have made some poor choices as well. I now feel like none of the things I
have done for you have any meaning to you.
$250 dollars worth of tickets went to waste this weekend I hope you feel
that making your stand is now worth all the hurt that I am now feeling for
trying to do something nice for my family.""

I sent this in reply on the 14th

"Mom, no I'm not happy with how things are. I'm sorry that I kept silent
before when you did things that hurt me and let things fester like this.
I have never denied that you have done nice things for me, and that still
doesn't change that these actions of yours hurt me and I am tired of it.

Now if the outing to Cats had been billed as simply as a girls afternoon
from the start this problably wouldn't have been a problem, but it wasn't.
If I recall the original invitation was "we'll go see Cats for your
birthday." given after I told you I'd ordered the tickets to see Wicked.
So when you insisted that Carolyn go if felt as if you were shoe-horning
what was(as far as I knew) my birthday outing, into something else which I
found both dis-respectful and hurtful.

As for whether or not Carolyn could have handle the show is besides the
point, in any case Carolyn going was neither my nor your call to make. That
decision lied with Debbie and Larry alone. I will admit that I had the
opinion Carolyn was too young for the show, but it wasn't my decision.

Also my relationship with Carolyn and Elizabeth is not your concern, again
that would be an issue between Mee, Debbie and Larry if any. Trying to
force me to spend time with Carolyn, such as when we went shopping for my
car(and I'm sorry but young children are not appropiate when car shopping
and should only be taken if there's no-one to watch them) or just this past
month when we went to buy clothes for Aunt Jenny, does not endear them to
me, nor is it helpful in any sort of bonding if anything it causes
resentment.

As for both the incident with the car and with Gumpert(and I remember us
having some sort of plan to have lunch together at least) what bothered me
the most is that these happened while you were living in Brazil and our
oppprtunies to see each other were months apart. Even if you didn't
calculate my crazy work/school schedule into the mix so it hurt that it
seemed like you didn't want to spend any one-on-one time with me.

Now perhaps I should have come out to the house more over the summer,
however while you were off, I was working overtime and sometimes I wanted a
day to myself to try and catch up on cleaning or just chill. And I'm sorry
about the times I meant to come out but didn't each time for a variety of
reasons(and typically these were I was cranky after running around doing
errands that I couldn't do during the work week, or a dentist appointment
ran long) I will try to get better or at least call if I end up feeling
like I'ld be poor company. Now as far as declining invitations because I
already have plans or something going on that can not be helped. Because
when I have prior plans I consider that I have made a commitment and barring
family emergencies(sudden appearances by out of town relatives do not count)
I do not feel right in canceling them.

I am sorry things turned out this way Mom, and I hope we'll be able to get
through this and build a better relationship without lingering or festering
feelings of annoyance and resentment on either side.""

So far no response



Today might be a d-day as I have to go out to the house and get the new cell phone and pay for my half of the plane ticket(yes the original deal was that I pay half and I think it's best to stick with that) And since there are some things I need to buy and the stores are out that way I don't have much excuse not to. I'm hoping school is still in so I'll have a chance to run in and out like a ninja. It's sad but the next time I see Mom I kinda want it to be someplace that feels like nuetral territory.